PURPOSEFUL PARENTING: TAKING THE LEAD IN CHILD UPBRINGING

The home is not only a place of refuge and comfort; it is the primary school where a child learns basic principles, etiquette, mannerisms and develop life skills. The child is a finished product of parenting (the raw materials of instructions and discipline instilled to him at home).

Certainly, the home is not the only place where children get all they need for development. Inputs from various spheres in the society such as schools, church, the media, peers, extended family members also play a paramount role in the outcome of a child. Howbeit, Parents should take the lead in raising their children and not outsource their primary responsibility of parenting to other sectors. What other people and institutions contribute should complement the parenting effort at home. 

TIPS FOR PARENTING

Basic things you should teach your children

Teach your children to love God and honour you. They will learn by precepts and your conduct. Thus, it is proper to teach your children to listen to and heed your instructions. Permissive parents unknowingly encourage their children to disobey their instructions. It is proper and biblical for children to honor their parents. This is not say parents should be extremely authoritative and unloving. Be a loving parent, but instruct your children and encourage them to obey you.

"The one who follows instruction is on the path of life, but the one who rejects correction goes astray" (Proverbs 10:17).

Inculcate values such as diligence, empathy, tolerance and respect for others. The common adage, “charity begins at home”, connotes kids learn charity first in their home.

Teach them the value and purpose of work, courteousness, patience and life skills such as cooking, cleaning, basic sewing and repairs at home. Encourage them to work and earn honestly without cheating or embracing the short-cut approach. Allow your children do some things themselves even when house help is available to do home chores. In so doing, they will learn how to get things done themselves. I found a parent who gives her child’s school assignment to an older child to write. I told her politely to let her child do it herself because the child will learn faster and be confident of her ability that way. I encouraged her to work through the assignment with the child instead of outsourcing it to another child. It is not love to overindulge children and deny them the opportunity to learn.

Teach them to be polite and not rude to those serving them as domestic staff and to others they come across. 

Correct your children when necessary firmly and lovingly because there are no perfect children. 

Teach your children to love one another and strongly discourage sibling rivalry. 

Arm them with skills that will help them overcome challenges and solve simple problems themselves when you are not there.

Your children will not always be at home; they will go to school, religious centres, clubs etc. When they go out, they will reflect your values  because you are a role model  and they learnt by your examples and precepts.  When you have taught them sufficiently at home and they interact with conflicting values, they will likely make the same kind of decision or choice you would have if you were there. However, when anything goes in the home as in the case of permissive parenting, you may be setting them up to bring you shame instead of trophies. Train your children in the way they should go, and when they go out, they will not depart from it. 

 

Thank you for reading!

 

PURPOSEFUL PARENTING: FATHERHOOD IS RESPONSIBILITY

Fatherhood entails responsibility. This responsibility begins at  conception, through babyhood, formative years, teen and adulthood. Every child deserves a father, and that includes his presence, love and affection, affirmation, counsel, warmth, discipline and all-around contribution to his physical, spiritual, emotional and psychological development. A child is the continuity of his father, and this goes beyond sharing the same genes or phenotype. Children reveal the strength of character, dignity and investments of who a father is, what he has and his level of imparting the child.

As a father, your child should have you as a confidant to lean on and to learn from. It takes more than the contribution of your sex gamete to be a father. A father represents strength, provider, protector, role model, disciplinarian and lots more. It is a father's responsibility to love his children and their mother as well. It is his responsibility to create an enabling environment for his children to thrive and develop optimally. In some homes, as daddy returns home from work, the kids playing in the living room, resort to their rooms or do something else because daddy is home. The fragrance in the atmosphere changes from relaxing to wild. As a father, your children should rejoice at your arrival.  Be a joy giver to your children and not one that destroys fun. Be responsible to them beyond financial contribution and provisions. Be a loving father and a positive role model to them as well. A father should be an enigma of wisdom, a teacher and the priest of his home, providing spiritual and physical direction to his children. Train your child in the way he should go means you should have a vision of the way your children should go, discover your children and channel them in the right direction. Sure, child upbringing is not your sole responsibility, but you are to take the lead along with mummy and every other well-meaning contributor. Together you raise a complete, healthy and well-developed child.

I have stumbled upon some posts or comments of people whose fathers were never part of their lives. Never part of their lives, not because they are no more alive, but simply because they walked away, or worse still denied the child even before he could grasp his first breath. All the father wanted was to have fun, but in doing so, he sowed a seed and the fruit of his adventure developed without any other contribution from him. I hear some men say they were not ready to shoulder the responsibility of fatherhood, and so they walked away from their children. Some children are broken and bitter because of this phenomenon. They were ignored or abandoned by the one who should love them primarily and largely shoulder their upbringing responsibility. Rejection is a negative seed and should not come from a father to his child. If you are a father reading this article today and have kids you abandoned or rejected, please find your kid and make amends and start being responsible to them. Seek forgiveness and be the father you are to your child.

For soon to be fathers, please prepare yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally and otherwise to shoulder the responsibility of fatherhood. Think twice before you impregnate a lady, only to walk away. Fatherhood is an enjoyable and fulfilling journey if you prepare adequately for it. You are responsible for raising every child you birth, you are responsible for raising Godly children, especially if you are a christian parent and you can do so positively. Dear fathers arise to your responsibilities.